A guest piece in the style of The Golden Antlers by honorary S.S.P.E.A.R. member Victor Lopez.
In its relentless goal to end pollution, global warming, and unsustainable practices (such as using 95% biodegradable paper instead of 100% biodegradable, organic, cage-free, gluten-free, vegan-free, white privilege-free paper), S.S.P.E.A.R., along with the other hippie clubs of the 5Cs, is launching its 2015 Power Down Challenge.
Last year, CMC was leading the competition, until they weren’t. Unfortunately, the weather became uncooperative, reaching the sub-zero temperatures of 75°. This prompted the students to blast their heaters. At the end of the competition, CMC was the only school with negative energy savings, meaning more energy was used at the end then at the beginning of the competition. Congratulations CMC!
Ruthless president Bessica Jass is attacking the dirty practices (no, not the hookup culture) of the 5Cs head on. This year, she hopes to at least break even and not increase energy usage.
From February 16th to March 8th, all sources of electrical power across the five colleges will be cut off. The sustainability clubs hope that students who are on Valentine’s Day dates (and by dates, I mean meeting up with someone from Yik Yak and hooking up at Pomona’s Greek Amphitheater) will appreciate the mood set by complete pitch darkness. This also means that dryer machines will no longer be available. Nothing Pitzer students have to worry about, given the fact that they refuse to wash their clothes as well as themselves.
On February 15th, the organization will be kicking off the Challenge with a dry party. No, not a Stark social event, but a laundry-themed party. CMC’s very own Story House workers will wash your laundry by hand and then hang them up on lines to dry. This will save so much energy that global warming will end by the end of the day (most likely; nobody really knows).
Since it rained twice this year, the drought is officially over, and therefore no water conservation efforts are being put in place. However, the organization is encouraging everyone to take collective baths in the fountains. Not only will you become closer to your friends, but you will become closer to your professors as well, who are being asked to join in. Ending global warming is a collective effort that requires everyone’s participation.
Do your part. This Valentine’s Day, drink away your loneliness in recyclable cups.
(No, but actually:
-Dry party on Sunday the 15th! Laundry-themed, as in clothes lines in South Quad! Let’s not get the Story House workers involved. More details TBA.
-Our dorm water conservation efforts unfortunately can’t be measured, as the water meters measure the irrigation as well. That doesn’t mean you just stop trying though. Fountain baths FTW.
-The three-week Power Down Challenge starts Monday, February 16th and ends Sunday, March 8th. Be mindful of your lights and the heating/AC; let’s try to at least…break even in our energy usage. Better yet, let’s go for winning the 5C competition! Imagine a world where CMC beats Pitzer in energy conservation... Keep your eyes and ears out for events galore hosted by yours truly, S.S.P.E.A.R.)